I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
