She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
