Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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