i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize