my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
