I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
