Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I cockslap morals
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
