she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
