he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
