when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize