she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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