I faked an abortion last night.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
