bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
