i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
