worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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