i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
