I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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