she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
