in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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