then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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