I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize