Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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