I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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