It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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