How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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