She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize