This girl is more easily done than said...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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