I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
