Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
