I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
