yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
