i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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