it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
