if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
