alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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