Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
