I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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