The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
