This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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