A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
