Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
