There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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