shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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