you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
