i don't plan on having that self control this summer
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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