Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I supernannyed him into submission
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize