That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
