I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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