yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
