someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
