I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
can u get pink eye on your cock?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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