you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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