Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
