I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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