wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
