so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
