Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
