mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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