My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
