JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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