im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
