I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize