I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
