Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
