did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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