i already hear my dad disowning me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize