I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
