and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
