My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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