Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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