Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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