I wish I could punch you in the face.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
