at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
