When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize