You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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