its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
