She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
