dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
