i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
