So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
