Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
