The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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