so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
