Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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