i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
