Operation Purity has been aborted
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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