my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
