IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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