I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Text me some of your sweat
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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