He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize