update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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