Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
