i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
