you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
