Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
