I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
