You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
