shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
