I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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