She's JV to your varsity
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
