is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
