She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
